Dance, Monkey, Dance!

Every week seems to carry with it a lesson. This week I learned that shame is a luxury you just don't have in foreign countries.

Example 1) When people ask if they should speak English or German with me, I usually ask that we speak German so I can practice (and validate my degree, but that's another story). We then go on to have a fairly nice, if considerably choppy on my part, conversation in German. This exchange has taken place between me and many, many people, including teachers from both the gymnasium and fashion school, students I've met at the university, and my landlady.

I was proud of myself for asking to speak in German, as most Austrians are VERY eager to practice their English. More than once after people hear my American accent I've become engaged in a battle of wills in which I speak German and am responded to in English for at least a few minutes. At first I took the easy way out and spoke English, but as I assimilate more and more I become more Austrian and therefore more direct and assertive (read: throw my manners out the window) and have been more persistent. If you're keeping track of my daily struggles and have turned this into something not only personal but also patriotic like I have (with every small victory I tell myself I'm making my country proud), this would bring the score up to something like Austria: 483 the US:2 (we first scored when I successfully fought Mrs. "We've Never Done It that Way" to change my schedule).

I was feeling very pleased with myself, empowered even, after convincing a few Austrians to speak English with me. That is, until I made the mistake of looking up "to practice" in an online dictionary. I was really just wondering if the "u" in the German word had umlauts or not, but was confused when the search results didn't return the word "übeln", but rather "üben."

This may not seem like that big of a difference, and it wouldn't have been if the word "übel" didn't mean "evil." While the verb "übeln" doesn't really exist and is basically a word I made up, it would still be understood as the verb form of "übel." Instead of telling people that I want to practice my German, I've been telling them that I want to speak German in order to be evil. AND NO ONE CORRECTED ME! OR EVEN LAUGHED (remember what I said about Austrian humor?)!

Example 2) The other day I was in a class of 13 year olds, who I made the mistake of telling that I spoke a little German. A pre-pubescent boy in the back asked me to say some ridiculously long German word with lots of umlauts and long strings of consonants. At first I had the urge to say no because we were in English class and should speak English. I reconsidered, though and realized that I couldn't expect the students to try to say difficult words in English (or even just the "th" sound) if I weren't willing to do the same and decided to set an example by trying to say this word.

I cleared my throat, mentally prepared, and in my best guttural Austrian accent repeated the word back to the boy, ready to pat myself on the back and thinking I had done a pretty good job.

"Aw, that was sweet," he replied with a sympathetic and amused smile.

What conclusion can we draw from these two examples? That to the Austrians I'm an endless source of entertainment, that's what. I can only imagine that they didn't correct my "evil" mistake because they were either afraid of me, or more likely, they really enjoyed it, just as the 13 year old loved listening to the poor American mangle the German language.

It's almost as if people seek entertainment from me. I'm not sure if this is because they watch too many American movies and TV shows and therefore equate all things American with all things entertaining, or if I'm just inherently amusing, but in this country I'm akin to a dancing bear. This is humbling and a great chance for me to laugh at myself and practice self-correction, as the Austrians don't seem to be willing to help me with either. Austria: 484 the US: 2