You might be wondering how glamorous it is to teach English at a fashion school. Or how I manage to get around town without my not-so-trusty Stratus. Or even how much quiet time I squeeze into each day.
To answer all these questions we'll use last Thursday as an example, and I'll depict a typical day in the life of Emily Feitl.
I wake up at 6:30 (yep, AM). I shower in our Euro-shower, which is hundreds of times more complicated that showering in an American shower. American showers (bless them) are standardly equipped with such modern conveniences shower curtains (along with over the counter drugs and a sense of personal space these things do not appear to have made their way across the Atlantic). Showering in a Euro-shower seems to have some secret art form to that I have yet to master, and the only way I can keep from soaking the floor is to shower sitting down.
After showering I inhale my Cheerios and tea before running out the door with my shoes half on and hair half dry to catch the Strassenbahn (tram), for which I invariably leave five minutes later than I should. As I'm running I say a silent prayer that the neighbor's rottweiler isn't outside. He's not a happy dog anyway (he makes Molly look like a marshmallow) and running REALLY seems to get him excited.
My first lesson is at the fashion school. A lesson is called a "Stunde" ("hour"), even though it's actually 50 minutes long. During my Stunde at the fashion school I meet a new class. For about the 15th time (not exaggarating) I play a game with them in which I write number, names, and words on the board and they have to ask me questions to figure out what these things mean to me. Afterwards I have them each tell me something about themselves. A girl in the front tells me that she lives on a farm but drives into Graz to go to school every day. When I ask her if she prefers the country or the city she looks thoughtful for a moment and then replies, "I like the city, but I love my goats."
During the second hour I'm with one of my favorite teachers a favorite classes. This teacher is always trying to perfect her English and asks me questions like, "Is it right to say you 'talk crap' about some one?", for which I have brilliant answers such as "No, it's actually to 'talk shit' about some one." The students are all taking this class to prepare for an exam for the Cambridge Certificate in English, which basically serves as proof that they're proficient. In their workbook is a picture of people doing various activities in each of the four seasons, and the teacher asks the students to get into four groups and come up with a story to describe each picture. The group with the winter-time picture, which depicts two children building a snowman, asks what the English word for "verzueckt" is (it's "enchanted). Expecting something sweet and Disney-esque from the two girls in the group, I ask them to tell their story first. They say that the boy and girl were brother and sister and forgot their keys when they came home from school. To pass the time until their parents came home they started building a snowman. The end.
"What about the enchanted part?" I ask.
At first they don't respond, but after a little prodding agree to tell the rest of the story.
"The snowman becomes enchanted and kills the family while they sleeping," one of the girls finally informs me.
Through my surprise I manage to stutter, "But he doesn't have any arms..."
To which they reply "He strangles them with the scarf."
Before heading to the Gymnasium for my final Stunde (I only have 3 on Thursday, but have 5 on both Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday and Fridays are free) I stop to buy a snack. The safest bet for this is to get some sort of pastry, but for whatever reason I decide to be really Austrian and get a small sandwich instead. I try to find one without ham, salami, or mayonaisse, but this is impossible (more on Austrian food to come later).
At the Gymnasium I teach a lesson on hip-hop and whether or not it's a continuation of the Civil Rights movement. I try (unsuccessfully) to explain to the students, who are about 16, that cuss words are worse in English than in German, and that although we're going to listen to some bad words in these songs (by Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five and NWA) it isn't ok to walk around the US saying things like "F*ck tha Police" (note: profanity is treated really liberally in Austria, and cuss words are seen more as informal speech than as offensive words). I think that the students will be interested enough in this lesson to listen to me teach rather than to themselves talking over me for once, but I am so wrong. After about half an hour of asking, telling, and ordering them to be quiet, I finally snap and from deep within my vocal cords summon the voice of James Earl Jones to spit venom and bellow "STOP TALKING!" To my surprise this works, a silence falls over the room, and while I'm not sure they end up learning anything about hip hop or Civil Rights in the 1980s, I pat myself on the back for having successfully herded cats.
As soon as that Stunde finishes at 11:30, I hop back on the Strassenbahn to head home and take a nap. The S-Bahn is crowded body to body, but I try to stay as far as possible from the man with the Chihuahua that's snapping at people when it isn't shaking in that way that only Chihuahuas do.
After my nap (made possible with the help of my trusty earplugs to drown out the sound of my housemate Zach's violin practicing) I throw a quick load of laundry into our mini-washer, which is operated by an indecipherable grid of numbers and symbols that probably hold the secret to unlocking the truth behind the Vatican secret in the next Dan Brown novel. Then I walk about 15 minutes to the bus that will take me to the university for my course on Interculturality and Education. My Czech friend Michaela is also in this class.
The class is uneventful and mostly a repeat of what I learned in my anthro classes at Sewanee, but when I get home I learn that my housemate Yasha has made chicken noodle soup for me and our other houemates and every one's ready to have a family dinner. The soup has a curious nutty and sweet flavor, which Yasha, who knows even less about cooking than I do, tells us comes from the fact that he used chicken broth, carrots, noodles, mushrooms, cinnamon, chestnuts, and balsamic vinegar to flavor it.
After dinner I Skype, catch up on all the TV I've missed (those shows won't watch themselves!), and plan lessons before putting in my ear plugs (so Rick Feitl) and going to sleep.